Marriage is for the...old?
I have been planning this post for awhile, and although I haven't quite organized my thoughts as much as I would like, I feel like I need to share what's going on inside of my mind.
For starters, I am 20. I will be 21 in 12 days (woohoo!). Cal is 21, turning 22. We are a young couple - I won't deny it. Just to make things clear - Cal is a senior in college, and I am a junior. People I've met the past few months who found out I'm engaged before my age have asked me how excited I am for graduation soon. So I reply, "Pretty excited, but I am only a junior this year." Then comes that awkward silence...when ____ realizes I'm getting married in 8 months, and I still have around 20 months until I graduate. "Wow...you're getting married young," is sometimes the response. Sometimes, they just smile and nod and exclaim "Oh! I don't know why I thought you were older..." (even though they do). A few people even admitted they expected our engagement, but didn't expect it for a year or two.
I'm beginning to feel like God's view on marriage and the world's is not aligned.
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for a man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him'." - Genesis 2:18.
All over the Bible, it is said how God created marriage, not only for our satisfaction, but for His. No where in the Bible does it say "One must graduate with at least an undergraduate, preferably Master's degree before marriage is appropriate." He also never says "One may not marry until s/he has experimented with the world in his/her own way - and must cross off an x amount of items off of his/her bucket list." Yet that's what people of this culture expect. Marriage seems to be the last on everyone's list - rather than something that is an exciting, hopeful endeavor.
This does not mean I think two 16 year olds in love should drop their schooling and go off and marry each other. I'm also not doubting they can love - I was only a little older than 18 when Cal and I began discussing marriage and envisioning our lives together. However, although we had many desires for it, we knew that we were not prepared or ready to embark on that adventure quite yet. The Bible also says in Ephesians 5:31-33 "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall be become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I am speaking concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." As a senior in high school and a freshman in college, we were not prepared to leave our fathers and mothers. Neither of us had a job with benefits, and we knew that when we got married we would pay for everything from college to all sorts of insurances to rent to groceries...and the list goes on and on. Although a few years down the road I tried to convince Cal we were ready, he wanted to be confident when he asked my dad that after our wedding, he would be fully prepared to take care of us. And that sense of leadership in him just made my love grow more - I know he's a stingy guy when it comes to money sometimes, but I know that he wants us to be able to comfortably live on our own.
We've been together for around 3 years and 4 months - we know each other SO well, but I know we have a lot more to learn, too. We've known for years our plan was to get married. And oh, how we longed (and still do!) for it. But unlike other couples who can get married after a year or so of being together, we've had to (sometimes not so) patiently wait. We talk about eloping sometimes, but now our plans are actually becoming concrete, so we're forced to wait until May 18 :)
My point is, if we (or another couple) are financially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready to join our lives together - then according to God, let no man separate us (them)! Through our marriage we will learn how to truly love and respect each other in the way that God loves us. And who cares if we get married at 21 and 22? Our lives are not ending, they are merely beginning. Except as we travel through this adventure, we will be a team, leading one life, experiencing it together. Getting married younger simply means we get to be so tightly joined for a longer amount of time (Lord willing!). Our souls will become so intimately weaved together that no one shall separate the two of us.
I'm not claiming to know anything about marriage, because clearly, I have no experience. I just know what God says about marriage, and how it should be, if we keep Him at the center. So really, what difference does a mere 12 months make?
Couples need encouragement, not a dose of reality (unless, maybe you're a parent and your child is still a child). Next time I meet a young couple with doey eyes, preparing for marriage, I plan to give them encouragement, and share wisdom that will draw them closer to each other. We've actually received a lot more positive feedback than negative on our engagement (by a LOT), and so I don't want to seem like no one wants us to get married! Thank you to all of those who HAVE given us great encouragement and told us fun stories! I just feel that this is an important issue, and so I wanted to share my own viewpoint on marriage and how it seems to be the opposite of this country's.
The world gives us enough obstacles, and as the body of God, we should be lifting each other up and helping one another overcome those challenges.
For starters, I am 20. I will be 21 in 12 days (woohoo!). Cal is 21, turning 22. We are a young couple - I won't deny it. Just to make things clear - Cal is a senior in college, and I am a junior. People I've met the past few months who found out I'm engaged before my age have asked me how excited I am for graduation soon. So I reply, "Pretty excited, but I am only a junior this year." Then comes that awkward silence...when ____ realizes I'm getting married in 8 months, and I still have around 20 months until I graduate. "Wow...you're getting married young," is sometimes the response. Sometimes, they just smile and nod and exclaim "Oh! I don't know why I thought you were older..." (even though they do). A few people even admitted they expected our engagement, but didn't expect it for a year or two.
I'm beginning to feel like God's view on marriage and the world's is not aligned.
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for a man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him'." - Genesis 2:18.
All over the Bible, it is said how God created marriage, not only for our satisfaction, but for His. No where in the Bible does it say "One must graduate with at least an undergraduate, preferably Master's degree before marriage is appropriate." He also never says "One may not marry until s/he has experimented with the world in his/her own way - and must cross off an x amount of items off of his/her bucket list." Yet that's what people of this culture expect. Marriage seems to be the last on everyone's list - rather than something that is an exciting, hopeful endeavor.
This does not mean I think two 16 year olds in love should drop their schooling and go off and marry each other. I'm also not doubting they can love - I was only a little older than 18 when Cal and I began discussing marriage and envisioning our lives together. However, although we had many desires for it, we knew that we were not prepared or ready to embark on that adventure quite yet. The Bible also says in Ephesians 5:31-33 "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall be become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I am speaking concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." As a senior in high school and a freshman in college, we were not prepared to leave our fathers and mothers. Neither of us had a job with benefits, and we knew that when we got married we would pay for everything from college to all sorts of insurances to rent to groceries...and the list goes on and on. Although a few years down the road I tried to convince Cal we were ready, he wanted to be confident when he asked my dad that after our wedding, he would be fully prepared to take care of us. And that sense of leadership in him just made my love grow more - I know he's a stingy guy when it comes to money sometimes, but I know that he wants us to be able to comfortably live on our own.
We've been together for around 3 years and 4 months - we know each other SO well, but I know we have a lot more to learn, too. We've known for years our plan was to get married. And oh, how we longed (and still do!) for it. But unlike other couples who can get married after a year or so of being together, we've had to (sometimes not so) patiently wait. We talk about eloping sometimes, but now our plans are actually becoming concrete, so we're forced to wait until May 18 :)
My point is, if we (or another couple) are financially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready to join our lives together - then according to God, let no man separate us (them)! Through our marriage we will learn how to truly love and respect each other in the way that God loves us. And who cares if we get married at 21 and 22? Our lives are not ending, they are merely beginning. Except as we travel through this adventure, we will be a team, leading one life, experiencing it together. Getting married younger simply means we get to be so tightly joined for a longer amount of time (Lord willing!). Our souls will become so intimately weaved together that no one shall separate the two of us.
I'm not claiming to know anything about marriage, because clearly, I have no experience. I just know what God says about marriage, and how it should be, if we keep Him at the center. So really, what difference does a mere 12 months make?
Couples need encouragement, not a dose of reality (unless, maybe you're a parent and your child is still a child). Next time I meet a young couple with doey eyes, preparing for marriage, I plan to give them encouragement, and share wisdom that will draw them closer to each other. We've actually received a lot more positive feedback than negative on our engagement (by a LOT), and so I don't want to seem like no one wants us to get married! Thank you to all of those who HAVE given us great encouragement and told us fun stories! I just feel that this is an important issue, and so I wanted to share my own viewpoint on marriage and how it seems to be the opposite of this country's.
The world gives us enough obstacles, and as the body of God, we should be lifting each other up and helping one another overcome those challenges.
Comments
I got married at about the same age. I wrangled my college classes so that I only had 6 hours left to take when I walked down the aisle. I have now been married for 28 years. You go girl...by the way I live in the same neighborhoo as Cal.