Saddened

This week has been heavy. And full of death. It's rather sickening...But before I get into that, let me tell you two stories.

Two seniors, 18 and 19 years of age died this week.

Stop and ask how that makes you feel.

Both deaths were unexpected.

Does that make it seem more tragic?

What if I told you one had selfless dreams and big aspirations, and died of a sudden flu attack to her heart. It's extremely rare, but for Katie, it was reality. She died on the operating table, before her dad got the chance to say goodbye.

Heartbreaking. How do you view that story?

What if I told you the other one attempted to rob a bank, held hostages, and even put a gun to a woman's head before dragging her out. He was then shot and killed by the police.

Does that change your sympathy for him when you first read the post? Should it?

That's what I'm faced with right now. And I'll tell you, I'm struggling. I am downright angry that Katie, an inspiring girl, had her life taken from her without warning. I grieve for her family. For her boyfriend. For her friends. For her classmates. Her story scares me, reminds me life can be so short, and tears my heart apart.

Then I see another boy, another dead, 7 days after Katie. He made a choice. And unfortunately that had a consequence larger than he expected. Or did he even care? (**DISCLAIMER: I am NOT belittling his death, trying to make the decision if it was just or not. It is NOT my decision and I'm not pretending it is). I also grieve for his family, for what mother ever desires that to be the outcome? I'm sure it is much more devastating to her than anyone else in this situation.

However. It makes me angry. I know God has a plan. But why take the life of Katie? There doesn't seem to be a purpose behind that. Perhaps in the bigger picture. But I just don't see it yet and it makes me red in the face that she did nothing and died. I do not feel the same way about Devon. Yes, I am saddened for his family. I am saddened for him, for the decision he made. But I am angry at the people who are saying we should not blame him for what happened. I am angry that he held a woman to gunpoint. I am angry that he held hostages. Those people have families, too. They all definitely have moms and dads. I can't imagine what terror those people were filled with throughout the situation.

I don't think it's wrong to be angry, and it's not wrong to be sad. I don't know whether it's right to judge if Devon got what he "deserved" and I truly am not trying to make that call at all.

I DO know that everybody involved in Katie's situation: Katie, her parents, family, boyfriend, friends, etc. AND everyone involved in Devon's situation: Devon, his parents, family, friends, etc. all have one thing in common: a Father. As much as we all are grieving, we can take comfort that HE is grieving too. And not just over Katie, but over Devon. I think HE is angry. But I know HE is loving. And forgiving. Beyond what we can imagine. Clearly much more loving and forgiving than I feel right now. But I'm wrestling through my anger. Death is no longer a "new" thing to me. That saddens me that I'm only 19 and I know: a friend who committed suicide, a friend's mother who died of cancer, several acquaintances/friends of friends who have died of suicide, people who have lost children, and most recently and near and dear to my heart: the death of my Grandpa.

Death is overwhelming. And scary. But I want to leave you with this verse.

"He will wipe every tear from their (our) eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." -Revelations 21:4

The end is in sight, friends. Pray with me for peace.